


Cause When You're Halfway Up, You're Always Halfway Down

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-20 11:20:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2426849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I've been down that road Emily and I don’t want that to happen to you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cause When You're Halfway Up, You're Always Halfway Down

Emily was at the top of the stairs when her doorbell rang.She was not expecting anyone, her mother left just a half hour before.She made a nice pasta dinner and they drank red wine.Elizabeth would be out of the country again for a little while.Tonight she was with Emily and tomorrow she would be with her older daughter Julia.Emily had many pet peeves and people who showed up without calling was one of them.With her job, she didn’t get much time to herself.It was as simple as a cell phone call.Who could this possibly be?

 

As she made her way down the stairs, the bell rang three times in quick succession.OK, now she was pissed.Emily stalked down the rest of her stairs, walked through the living room and kitchen and pulled open the door.She didn’t know what she was going to do but punching whoever was standing there in the face was a viable option.Trying to pull the gasp back when she saw him was useless; her anger ebbed but didn’t go away.

 

“Do you want to tell me why you were ringing my bell like the police?” she asked.

 

“I am the police.” Aaron Hotchner replied, a little laugh in his voice.

 

“That’s not funny. What are you doing here?”

 

“May I come in?”

 

“What are you doing here?” she repeated.

 

“I wanted to talk to you.”

 

“You could’ve called.”

 

“No.” he shook his head.“It’s awkward on the telephone.”

 

“It didn’t used to be.”

 

“So many things didn’t use to be.May I come in?”

 

“Hotch…”

 

He managed to brush past her and entered the condo.He remembered being there two weeks ago; things happened that shouldn’t have.He needed to talk about it…they needed to get back on the same page.

 

“We’re friends,” he said.“Friends talk to each other, right?”

 

“I told you we were friends.”

 

“Then how come you haven’t talked to me in two weeks.It takes two to tango, Prentiss.”

 

He usually only called her Prentiss when he was upset.Emily took a deep breath.He had some nerve coming to her place with a chip on his shoulder.

 

“We were drunk, OK?It happens.”

 

“Did you tell him?”

 

“Are you out of your mind?” she asked.“Why would I do something like that?”

 

“You don’t think that sleeping with me six weeks before your wedding is a sign?” Hotch asked.

 

“I don’t believe in signs.”

 

“Do you have any coffee?”

 

“You come bursting in here and you want me to serve you coffee?Oh my God, you have balls of steel.”

 

“Emily…” Hotch moved toward her and she backed up.“I just want to talk.Can we make some coffee and talk?Please.”

 

Emily sighed.She walked toward the kitchen and Hotch followed.Without words, she started grabbing the makings of coffee.Hotch sat down at the counter and watched her.

 

“Well talk.”

 

“I can't stop thinking about what happened between us.It lives with me day and night.”

 

“People make mistakes.You need to move on.”

 

“I can't.”

 

“Well I don’t know what to tell you.” she sat down across from him.

 

“So you never think about it?” Hotch asked.

 

“We’ve slept together a bunch of times…I've lumped them together.”

 

“So they were mistakes too?”

 

“I didn’t say that.Hotch, I'm sure it happened for a reason but we don’t need to go there.I admit that I have been skittish with you lately.But I’ll be fine.”

 

“And you're going to marry him?”

 

“Nothing has changed.”

 

“Everything has changed.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“I'm not going to let you do it.”

 

Emily had to laugh. He was not going to let her?Was he insane?She got up from the stool and went over to the coffeemaker.Hotch watched her movements, defensive and on guard.He wanted to reach out to her, make her feel better, but that wasn’t going to work this time. He would just have to plead his case; do the best he could.Whatever happened after that just happened.

 

“Do what you need to do, Hotch.” Emily handed him a cup of coffee.“Plead your case.”

 

“Saying it like that means you aren’t even listening to me.”

 

“I'm listening.”  
  


“Promise me.”

 

“I promise.” she grabbed the creamer from the refrigerator and pulled the sugar bowl toward her.

 

“You’ve only known him for six months…”

 

“We’ve been dating eight months but that’s not the point.We've been friends for a long time; he makes me happy.”

 

“Then why did you make love to me?”

 

“I was drunk.” Emily spoke through clenched teeth.“We had something once, you and I, and it didn’t work out.Actually, we had something twice.If you love me then why don’t you want to see me happy?”

 

“You walked away!” Hotch tried to keep his emotion in check but could not.

 

“Walked away from what?Half of a man?I tried to hold on; my hands were numb from the cold.”

 

“I've changed.”

 

“So have I.”

 

“He could never love you like I do, Em.If he is so special, why haven’t your friends spent time with him?Why doesn’t he come out for drinks with us, and what prevented him from coming to JJ’s birthday party?Why he is hiding?”

 

“He isn’t.Justin isn’t exactly comfortable with what I do.He doesn’t…he wants to keep our life separate from the BAU.I don’t think it’s a bad idea.”

 

Justin Becker was Emily’s fiancé.They met at Yale years ago and dated for a little while, deciding they were better as friends.They lost touch when she entered the FBIAcademy after college.It was just eight months ago, on the tail end of a second attempt at a relationship with Hotch that they ran into each other.In Whole Foods of all places.

 

He was working in DC, Associate Counsel for the Majority Whip.He asked her out and they easily fell into something comfortable that turned into something serious.Emily had to admit he shocked the yes out of her when he proposed.He told her he was in love, had been in love since Yale.She made him happy and he wanted to do the same for the rest of his days.Her colleagues were shocked too, especially since they only met him twice and both times had been awkward.

 

Emily jumped head first into wedding plans and put the doubts in the back of her mind.Of course she had doubts…marriage was something she never thought would come to her.Justin was a good guy, a smart guy; she could be happy with him.He would never brush her aside or push her away.He would never say he loved her and then barely show it. He would never put the damn FBI, or anything for that matter, ahead of her.

 

“Today it’s uncomfortable with your job, tomorrow its asking you to leave.I have been down that road Emily and I don’t want that to happen to you.I don't want you to have to tear yourself apart trying to choose between your marriage and a job that fulfills you.”

 

“Jobs aren’t everything, Hotch.”

 

“It’s more than a job, it’s a family.Are you going to desert your family?”

 

“Don’t do that to me.I think you should leave.Did you really think you could come over here and talk me out of getting married?”

 

“I love you.”

 

“I know.” Emily closed her eyes.“It’s too late.”

 

“You don’t love me anymore?”

 

“I’ll never stop.”

 

“Then stay with me.I have made monumental mistakes.I wasn’t in the right place, I think we both knew that but I couldn’t admit it.I can admit it now.Being without you is the hardest thing in the world.I didn’t want to step on his toes but dammit, I don’t care anymore.He doesn’t love you like I do…he can't begin to comprehend.”

 

“You don’t even know him.”

 

“Does he make you pancakes on Sunday mornings?Can he sing, badly, just to make you smile?Does he wash your clothes or know that perfect spot on your back that makes everything feel better?Can he lay you down and do things to your body that make tears of joy and ecstasy come to your eyes?When he whispers in your ear, do you quiver?When you are apart, do you yearn for him?Because I know with us, all of that was there.All of that and more and its still there.You can pretend its not but it is.What happened two weeks ago wasn’t a mistake, it was us.”

 

“Sex is one part of the equation, Hotch.I need you to be open to me.I don’t need the next bad case or the next boxing round with Strauss to have you shutting me out.I don’t need to feel as if everything in your life comes before me.I damn sure refuse to be your dirty secret anymore.”

 

“You were never a dirty secret.” Hotch said.

 

“And your timing has always sucked.I don’t even know if I can trust you.”

 

“Don't say that.”

 

“You hurt me Hotch…twice.”

 

“I cannot promise you that I won't hurt you again,” he said, getting up from the stool and coming around to her side of the island.He pulled her up and wrapped his arms around her.“All I can promise is that I will never stop loving you, never stop fighting for you, and never stop wanting you.”

 

“Why now?Are you angry someone is pissing in your sandbox?”

 

“You don’t even see yourself changing do you?I see it; we all see it.Your vibrancy, your color, your smile in the face of everything.These past few months I have seen it all dull to a muddy grey.Even when we were on our last leg, you never…don’t marry him.Don’t marry him and lose everything that makes you amazing.If you want to send me away, it'll hurt, but it'll hurt more to lose you forever.”

 

“Aaron…” she kissed him hard, just as she had that night and he pulled her tighter to him.Emily could feel his heart beating fast in his chest and he gasped as he pulled away from her.

 

“I want your body more than anything but I won't make another mistake.I need your heart…I need your soul.”

 

“I don't know.” She barely whispered it, dipping her head under his chin like she used to do when she was unsure.

 

It was a better answer than no.No was the one thing Aaron Hotchner knew he could not bear to hear tonight.He drew her into a softer, reassuring kiss.

 

“You can't make a decision like marriage when the answer is I don’t know, Emily.Just think about that.”

 

“Do you mean all of the things that you say?” Emily asked.

 

“Yes.”

 

“People will get hurt, maybe even us.”

 

“Not us, not anymore.”

 

“You need to go, Hotch.” She pulled out of his arms and started walking to the door.“I have to think and I certainly can't do that with you here.”

 

He nodded, saying no more.He did all that he could and the rest was up to her.Perhaps he waited too long.From the moment he knew Emily was seeing someone, Hotch knew what he had to do.He had no answer for why he waited so long to do it.In the beginning, she seemed happy and after the roller coaster ride he put her through, she deserved that.He noticed the change in her about two months ago, just a little while before their indiscretion at her apartment.After that night, Hotch knew he had to fight for what they both still felt.He kissed her cheek at the door and pulled her into a hug.

 

“Call me.” he said.

 

“I will.”

 

Emily let him out before going back up her stairs.She had to call someone else first.It would be a difficult conversation but for the first time in a while, she felt sure.This wasn’t just about Hotch; one conversation could not rebuild broken promises and trusts.She knew he was right about some things though; Emily had changed.

 

Sometimes when she looked in the mirror, she didn’t know who she was looking at.Her hair was the way Justin liked and so was her conversation.She was going to more political functions, declining after work dinner and drinks with her friends.She kept more of her thoughts to herself.Justin decided where they would live after they got married; he already spoke with her about other jobs in the FBI.Soon Emily Prentiss wouldn’t be Emily Prentiss.There was still enough time to regain things she lost.

 

***

                                                                                                                              



End file.
